It recently came up in one of my women’s groups, the idea that when one is unsettled, there’s a choice: Is it time to slow down, be quiet and listen or to push past a comfort zone and clear things out? Looking back at my younger years always has me reflecting on the ways I am today.
I used to get so restless and agitated, feeling out of control of my life and the way things were. My reaction was to move the furniture around in my bedroom. This fact alone is not so unusual. The fact that I did this every few months and managed to come up with some new set up each time, was quite exceptional I believe.
It gave me such relief and contentment to feel into the new space, to settle into a different way of utilizing the space and organizing my things. To put some things away and get rid of stuff I felt complete with.
This has become a metaphor for my life and the way I take on transitions.
When things break, I’m sad for a moment but then I celebrate because I know now there is space for something new to come, in time.
When relationships would end, I’d feel the loss and if I could come up with a story of why it was happening that could bring me some peace, I could relax into the process of letting go that much easier.
I’ve taken it upon myself to hold a bigger picture as often as possible. To take a deep breath and be curious. To surrender to what’s next without knowing yet what that will be.
Being adaptable, as accepting as I can, and open to change has been a huge asset.
Especially this last year. (Especially my whole life!)
Staring into the face of the unknown has been humbling for us all. Knowing I had tools and practices to bring to the table made all the difference.
I had developed a tenacity for transformation and going through what I like to call rites of passage.
Being challenged by circumstances where I didn’t necessarily have all the answers and still chose to open my arms wide and trust the journey. To trust that I have everything I need to get through whatever is coming next.
I got to share my gifts. My gifts have given me a sense of purpose more than ever.
Having had the habit of putting one foot in front of the other over the years, I’ve grown to expect the unexpected. And to be ready. For whatever.
To assess the consequences and consider, “What is the worst that could happen?”
What comes up for me is not so much my own failure, but letting other people down as my worst fear.
I know that I will recover. No matter what.
Sometimes it takes longer than other times.
I trust I will grow in positive and unpredictable ways that will become my assets in the future.
I know some people who have the quality of thinking things through with lots of consideration before initiating change or forward movement. I ask myself, “Should I be more cautious and thoughtful before leaping?” Then I remember, I trust my intuition.
I’ve felt like I’ve gotten it “wrong” before and I don’t always end up with the outcome I originally had in mind.
I have found, as long as I’m not hard on myself, I can figure out the next solution.
I have some foolproof recipes as well, which include rigorous self care including journaling my thoughts, leaning into people I trust, taking time in nature, taking naps and baths and generally nurturing myself so I can feel my feelings and let them surface and flow through… again to make space for what’s next.
Stay curious. What wants to leave, what wants to come in? What thoughts are you aligning with so you can be clear about what you DO want instead of just taking what comes or fearing some future based on your worst experiences from your past?
It’s important to consider what you value and want more time for in your life so you can say “yes” to it without question when the opportunity arises. Clarity can only come from you.
I prioritize checking in with myself. Because things are always changing unexpectedly, I prefer to ask myself if I’m adjusting easily or not to the shift.
What feelings are coming up and what are they pointing to?
Uncomfortable fears or past traumas in the form of memories?
How can I see things for what they are instead of making decisions from knee jerk reactions from the past?
When there isn’t time to process and assess emotions and what’s happening, the tendency is to just let it pile up. To stuff it until it overflows. To wait until there is overwhelm because so many layers of thoughts and feelings are moving through.
By this time, it’s so much more difficult to identify what the underlying issue is so it becomes easier to point at the first person or thing that triggers us. It also becomes a creed- “life is so hard,” “nothing ever works out for me”, etc. The overload becomes the downward spiral where everything is coated with doom and gloom because fear is dominating everything.
Time for a scene change. Therein lies my tendency to throw everything in the air, and rearrange it all in a new way. For a new perspective perhaps. Resisting and wanting things to be some other way other than the direction they’ve already been headed in is futile. It just makes it worse and more painful and usually leaves a trail like, “If only THAT had not happened then everything would be better than it is now.”
Not necessarily true. And, we will never know. So, may as well go with the flow.
I don’t ask my clients to do anything I wouldn’t do myself and I aspire to be an example for others to observe to then choose knowing what’s possible.
If you’re curious about my assessment process, join me for our next Meetup event.
It’s free and I have them 2-3 times per month.
Some of the women are the same and there are many new women showing up all the time.
I look forward to meeting YOU!