Interacting With People Means Experiencing Love and Pain

I’ve been in many relationships, seeking the one. Someone to listen and understand who I am, where I’ve come from and why I am the way that I am. Seeking someone who really gets me…

I’m not one to hide anything. As someone fairly transparent, I’m more likely to make a jaw drop than be aloof or shy. I like to share stories and to hear them. I love vulnerability and the relatedness that comes from mutual grievances. I feel excited when I know someone has experienced something similar enough to me to empathize. Authenticity and emotional connection is always a breath of fresh air.

What gets under my skin is when people use my vulnerabilities against me. I believe most, if not all of the time, this comes from a place of being triggered. That what I’ve shared brings up a fear or sensitivity and their instinct is to to make me feel less than them, apart form their own experience, to distance themselves from the pain of feeling into what I’ve shared. They might treat me as if something is wrong with me and they are somehow above it all and now can look down on me like some wounded thing. It never feels good when someone feels sorry for me.

In my experience, a lot of us have shut ourselves off from feelings and emotions so much, that they believe they don’t exist. We can do this with the physical pain in our bodies as well and it’s pretty much the same.

As a massage therapist I’d often get clients who didn’t realize how sore they were. It’s all too common to numb ourselves to just get through the day. Many people have normalized adapting to pain and so when they finally get relief, it’s an intense experience where there life completely shifts.

Depression, anxiety, overwhelm and stress have become everyday experiences for many people. Joy, laughter, connection and ease… not so common. Do we confess such things or do we stuff them under the outer skins of dressing well and keeping a smile on our face?

I have made it a priority to surround myself with friends and clients who prefer transparency. Vulnerability gets my energy flowing. Difficult emotions have become the pathway to growth so I can increase my capacity to hold the challenges in my life more gracefully.

I had always wanted to be in a romantic relationship where I felt safe to be myself without judgment. To express myself fully and be received without shame. To have an understanding that we are both flawed and perfectly imperfect. And to also recognize that it is exactly this that makes us precious and beautiful. And even more magnificent is when we can hold each other in this. To continue to love and accept. To give and receive. To ask, lean in, be curious and to admit we don’t know everything.

There is always room to grow and trust is not given out so freely. A sense of safety is not something we are granted throughout a lifetime. 

I dive deep daily. Not because I want to be better than anyone else. But because I want to know myself so well that I can share my whole self with the world. But most of all, my husband.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *