The Challenges of Making Friends as a New Mother

When I became a mother I was younger than most mom’s around town. I signed up for my prenatal yoga and birth preparation classes surrounded by women in their 30s with partners and planned pregnancies.

Well, ours was a surprise. I knew I wanted to be a mom at some point and 23 was a bit young. I had not yet finished college and was still figuring out who I was. Now I had a baby on the way. 

When the baby came, her dad worked 4 days out of the week returning evenings so I had a lot of time with her alone to create our own schedule and do things that felt productive and fun. 

I joined a baby group with some women I’d been in those earlier pregnancy classes with and we met at a nearby park. We laid our babies on blankets on the grass, changed their diapers, and fed them while we chatted about the challenges and joys of motherhood.

I learned to make new friends with the moms since the friends my age didn’t have children and couldn’t relate to me. With a little one in tow it became easier to hang out with women who also had babies so that interruptions became normal, not disruptive to conversations. We could trust one another to not freak out when poop blew out of diapers, spit up got all over our laps, or we had to change our shirts because breast milk had leaked out all over our front. We could accommodate one another’s needs because we were experiencing similar things and so could offer the support we knew would be helpful.

Three women in particular became my “Mom Crew”. We were the ones who showed up most consistently and so we decided we actually needed more than the park scene. We held groups at one another’s homes, creating theme gatherings where we’d share tips and resources that included natural remedies for ourselves and our children. Eventually, we all had second children around the same time, give or take a year or more. 

Having time to ourselves was something we collectively needed. So our next creative idea was to leave the babies at home with dads and go out for a mom’s night out! What fun… We drove out one night in our friend’s biodiesel Mercedes, music on, and laughing the whole time. We soaked at the local spa where another mom worked and had dinner with fancy cocktails. We got to talk without thinking about diaper changes and feedings for a few hours, uninhibited by our bond.

I am still friends with these ladies today. Our daughters are friends too. We still connect to share challenges and collaborate on creative projects together. I have a love and tenderness for these women that reflects my journey through motherhood like nothing else. 

Finding a group of women to move through challenges and transformative times with is essential. I received so much encouragement and relief in knowing I wasn’t the only one trying to figure out the parenting thing. They reflected wisdom back to me, we made things light with laughter, and we were never afraid to embarrass ourselves by sharing our authentic vulnerability over the years. It’s easy to feel like a failure when stretching outside your comfort zone, so having a safe group makes the leap easier. 

If you’re ready to be held in the face of challenges and transitions, please consider joining my Wise Women’s Council where we will be studying the art of intention and clearing as a rite of passage for transformational times.

You can also choose to work with me one-on-one for 3-6 months or longer. Contact me to discuss what feels most supportive for you and the conditions you thrive most in when you’re growing into something new.

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